Well, we finally made it past the 2024 Presidential Election. So much anxiety, fear, and anger. When did this become normal? We live in a country where we are supposed to be free to speak, free to believe, free to think, free to choose how to vote. And yet, we seem to loathe anyone who is not like-minded. We tally the sum of a person’s worth by the way they vote. We make assumptions that voting one way or another means a wholesale agreement with that party’s platform. Our reliance on social media has atrophied our ability to listen and to get to know people. Aren’t we better than this as Americans? As human beings?
Our ability to hide behind screens seems to have spilled over into our personal interactions, impacting relationships with family, friends, and even acquaintances. Perhaps we have lost the art of conversation. These platforms are walls that blind us to pain inflicted by making inaccurate assumptions and cause us to believe the worst in people. On election day, I decided that after the results, I would see what my friends were saying on social media through the lens of “I wonder if I stood before them in person, would they say this exactly like that? Would they dismiss a lifetime of friendship because I didn’t vote the way they did?” What an eye-opener. And, yes, I am talking about both “sides.” As a true middle child, a chameleon, I have friends I love and enjoy hanging out with who are deep blue, dark red, and everywhere in between, so I applied this approach across the board. Whether they were gloating or mourning, I was so sad to think of all the friends I would lose if they said these things directly to me. Years of memories down the drain. Friendships that were built over time, just tossed out like garbage.
A few years ago, at a family gathering, I witnessed a conversation between one of my sons and another son’s partner. Different political opinions, but a masterful conversation. He listened, she listened. They each asked good questions, they each acknowledged when the other made a good point, even though contrary to their position. It was refreshing. Neither of them changed the other’s mind. My son thanked her for engaging in the conversation and they agreed to disagree. Now, granted in high school my son had participated in Model UN and she had been on the debate team, but could we all try a little harder to listen and tolerate each other’s opinions? How about trying a little harder to listen to our family? Our co-workers? Our friends? Not persuade them, not change them, but just hear them. Couldn’t we just see differences are what they are? Different?
Show me a good conversationalist and I’ll show you a good listener. I submit that if we just got to know people not by their party affiliation, but by who they are, we would find we actually like people that we “hate” on social media. My dad was a conservative, a “by God West Texan,” a patriot. He had strong opinions. My sister-in-law has lived in Western Washington all her life, is a career public educator, a Believer, and more liberal leaning. At my son’s wedding reception, I overheard their conversation. My dad absolutely adored her. Most people do. She is a good listener, smart, and kind. Through small talk not related to politics or religion, they enjoyed each other. The funny thing is that because my dad liked her, he assumed she was like-minded! It was eventually revealed that was not the case, but that didn’t change their relationship. My dad just cracked his beautiful, rarely seen, genuine smile and shrugged.
Have your tough conversations, stay true to your convictions, but don’t be quick to make assumptions or fire weapons indiscriminately across the bow of social media. With Thanksgiving coming, you may be dreading family gatherings or avoiding them altogether. Life is too short for that! There is so much more to this life than who is in the Oval Office. Choose relationships over politics! And I promise you, from one who keeps her political choices close to her vest, if I associated only with those who share my political choices, I would be missing out on some amazing and interesting relationships! Open your ears, listen, and extend some grace. Stretch yourself to see past a party affiliation and see people for the unique people they were made to be.
Until next time, I am Living Between the Scans.
“If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18
Between the Scans 
Well done friend! Timely and perfect!
“Open your ears, listen, and extend some grace. Stretch yourself to see past a party affiliation and see people for the unique people they were made to be.”
Amen!
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Thank you for reading!
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it would be wonderful what you suggest and on almost every other topic I could agree, but Donald Trump is a unique polarizing and stoking hatred person. He has turned many of us into haters. I hate him for that and the hating of the things he hates and the fact that his words encourage the hatred and demonizing of others. We heard him say some very negative plans for what he will do when in office this time. And this time the guardrails are gone. He has the Congress, the Supreme Court and his Republican Party in his pocket and if his mental decline takes him out of office JDVance is right behind him only more dangerous because he is smart, while corrupt in his thinking as well and is well-handled by big money. This is our democracy over autocracy we are fighting for. Donald Trump is the “enemy from within.. He often accuses what he abuses. I will pray. I will read Dr Heather Cox Richardson daily a great historian of American history who writes a daily letter of fact and analysis of history and its impact today, I will march. I will resist this monster Trump and his white nationalist and supposed Christian supporters and all the normal folks who were one issue voters and felt they couldn’t vote for a Democrat or a woman or a bi-racial candidate or because inflation that has been slowly coming down is impacting their pocketbook. I continue to scratch my head to see how anyone can see Donald as a moral and God-fearing man. I see what I see, I try to fact check what I hear, and it all has me scared s&&tless for our country from our governance, our national parks, our environment, our marginalized groups, our children, our educational system, and our dumbing down of America. Donald Trump and the wealthy at the top have little to no concern for the lower income or middle class. They relieve their tax burden and shift it to us while grabbing power and turning us against those less fortunate as the evil ones. I’m sure in some areas there is middle ground, but when it comes to folks that don’t look like us, there can be no acceptable extreme or middle ground. It has to be equal rights. My mother always said, “it’s a man’s world, but she did not take it far enough, it’s a white, Christian man’s world.” And who knows maybe Donald Trump is indeed the anti-Christ and this is how the world will end. I accept that my failure to find a loving acceptable way to fight his hatred has created my own hatred and may well result in my loss of a heavenly eternity, and I accept that. Many Veterans have fought and died for putting their country over people. I cannot honor those Veterans if I don’t do all I can do to defend my country and accepting Donald Trump is not the way. As I’ve cast some from the number of friends, I’m willing to continue talking but quite frankly I’ve lost respect for them and probably they feel the same. When a candidate’s own party won’t keep him in check, what hope do we have? You are a good person, Mel with a big heart who is trying to bring us together, and unlike many others I don’t see an unkind bone in your body. We are not a Christian Nation. We are a melting pot of people, nationalities, colors, religions, sexual preferences. We must never forget that. And of course we are a nation of haters because there is sin. I pray for the best outcome but I’m not hopeful. I will always consider you a friend because I don’t see you as a hater, but you are in a minority; and I’m prepared for you to view me as a hater and act accordingly. God Bless you and your family and God Bless America.
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Thank you for reading and for your honest response. I could never view you as a hater. I view you as a dear friend!
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As a woman of color who has been and is deeply loved and cared for by Melanie, I must speak up and say that relationships over all things is all that matters. I do not expect to agree on many things, food choices, coffee drinks, sweet treats, elements of world topics, however, I so expect and love that we agree that our relationship/ sisterhood is built on our faith, mutual respect, and honesty. Keep writing and keep ringing the bell on what matters most.
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Thank you for reading! I appreciate your thoughts and your grace!
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Melanie, loved your post and in my book you’ve spoken well and have spoken truth. Not concerned or focused on what we don’t agree on and quite honestly, don’t know what we don’t agree on- we focus on and have always focused on loving each other and learning from each other. 💜
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Melanie, this is so good and so true! Can’t we just respect and love one another! That’s what Jesus required us to do! Love you! Shalom!
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Thanks for reading and for your encouragement!
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I always love to read your insight. I recently got into a discussion with my daughter over politics and we both became heated over our discussion. Then I realized that our relationship was so much more important than our views or choices. I have lost so many people in my life that over the years that no matter what the stance, I always choose the people in my life over my beliefs or feelings. No two people are 100% the same on every topic. We have to be ready to listen and understand from their point of view.
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Thanks for reading, Joy! It is always good to hear from you!
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I loved loved loved reading this & am forwarding it on to several friends & family members! All my own thoughts that have been simply floating around in my head but were so eloquently written & shared by you. 🩷
Think of you often & hope you are continuing to do well!
Take care,
Diane Rowan
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Thanks for reading! Great to hear from you. Love seeing what you are doing on FB!
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