Recently, I traveled back to my hometown in Texas for my 35th high school reunion. I had not been able to attend any of my reunions thus far, so there was a lot of catching up to do. There weren’t many of us there, but how fun it was to recall a time when the future was exciting. When we were wide-eyed and undaunted.
Those of us attending were an interesting representation of our class…even in a small school, we all had our “circles.” Yet, none of that mattered when we gathered this year. We were all genuinely interested in where we had been and where life was taking us. Some have spent a lifetime building amazing careers and businesses, some are still parenting young children, some are grandparents. Some never left, and some have returned. Some have buried parents; some have buried spouses, children, siblings. Some have overcome addiction, healed from divorce. And here we are, not wide-eyed anymore, but open-eyed and aware that we can carry on despite the hard knocks; we can still celebrate the good times of the past and plan for the future. We honor those who have passed on from this world. Seems a disproportionate number compared to our class size. We are older, wiser, and yet, we are 18 again in this moment.
I always get a strange feeling when I go home, and it grows stronger each time. This feeling is inadequately described with words. It is a longing, an unrest. Maybe it is a craving for what was good and familiar. The Texas heat, the blue-sky, wide-open spaces, West Texas sunsets, my small hometown…it all brings back memories of growing up in our little family. My sweet momma and strong daddy.
Growing up in a small town had its advantages. By the time I was in about the fourth grade, I was riding my bicycle all over town. What a feeling of independence! The downside was that everyone knew everyone else, so you really couldn’t get away with anything.
In my town, school released early on Fridays when there was a home football game. The band would march from the high school to downtown where the streets were closed and a flat-bed trailer was positioned so that the cheerleaders could be elevated above the crowds to lead not just the students, but the whole town, in a pep rally. Everyone went to the Friday night games…quintessential Friday Night Lights. We didn’t have much to do in the way of recreation, but we made our own fun (and sometimes got into trouble along the way). Some of my teachers had been my mom’s high school friends. Our high school campus was open, so going to lunch with friends was an everyday adventure once you had a car (or a friend with a car). We raised animals for the annual junior livestock show/auction and walked to ballet lessons, learning both economics and fine arts!
Time sure flies. How can I be the age my mother was when I became a mother? A little older, in fact. How can that sweet old man be my dad? I hear the locusts in the warm evening as I sit on the front porch. I own a little bungalow here. Not really sure why I do since I use it only about four times a year, but maybe it makes me feel a little more connected to my past. I like knowing that when family and friends come to town, they have a comfortable place to stay. A way to extend hospitality even when I am not there. It is a place of solitude for me; a place to rest.
This feeling, maybe homesickness? I think it is a yearning for a time before worry. A time when all was right with the world because I was secure in the knowledge that my parents and my grandparents were always there. A time when adulthood, and certainly middle age, seemed an eternity away. A time when my daddy was strong, and smart, and sometimes a little too serious. A time when everything in life was new and exciting and my mother was the best listener. A time before life starts rushing past. I am homesick for a feeling, one of naïve happiness and deep security.
I think all of us experience this feeling at some time or another, but I don’t really think it is a longing to go back to the place we grew up. I think it is a longing to return to a time or a feeling, a time when we felt secure and happy. And even for those who had a tough childhood, I think there is a longing for that kind of place. We crave a place where there is no sense of time, where no one has to say goodbye. Where no one is sick, hurt, lonely, or old. I think it is a longing to be together with those we love. Without stress. Without busyness. Without pressure. I believe there is such a place when we cross over from this life. And while it will be amazing and I won’t mind leaving this life to get there, I am not ready to go. So, I continue to pray for more days to walk this earth, for continued healing. And I am comforted knowing someday I will be in that perfect place, my forever home with all those I love and all that I love. Where homesickness is cured by the ultimate homecoming.
As we head into the holiday season, take time to connect with those you love. And if the holidays don’t take you home, reflect on the past and reach out across the miles to those you love. Consider repairing a broken relationship. Be present wherever you are.
Until next time, I am Living Between the Scans.
P.S. Since I initially wrote this post, the BHS Class of 1986 has lost another classmate in a tragic accident. Rest in peace, friend.
Between the Scans 
Oh Melanie…I just awoke to this wonderful post of yours! You are such a beautiful writer, and soul! Love every word, and such truth. Now I want to visit you, not only in Washington, but also Texas! Thank you for writing…and please don’t stop. Hope to talk soon, please. Love you💗
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Sounds like a good girls getaway plan! Miss you!
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Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I also find I value my relationships with my family and friends so much more as time goes on. It’s so important to me to strengthen those friendships and keeping my family relationships strong. Satan wants to divide us, steal our joy, kill relationships with anger and bitterness and destroy unity among believers and we must fight against his evil schemes by prayer, petition, Thanksgiving and humility.
Thank you for your encouraging words and for your faith!
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So glad you enjoyed the post! Thank you for reading.
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How beautifully written! You have a gift for sure and making it feel like we are all in this together, navigating time passed, changes, and uncertainty is part of it! Wishing you many blessings as you celebrate this Christmas with your new role and loving on that little grand baby💙
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Thanks LaNae! Miss you!
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What a great story and I know exactly what you are saying. With the passing of my stepmother, last October 2020, I was the keeper of affairs, which allowed me to get back home almost every weekend. I so enjoyed eating at Earnie’s anticipating who I might see and I think I saw all of our graduating class, who still reside there. Now that all of the affairs have been closed, I feel a little empty inside, knowing my only connection to our home town is past friends and two separate cemetery plots.
Thank you for sharing and I was sad to miss the reunion. Stay safe, happy and healthy.
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I am sure that is a strange feeling! Looking forward to the next reunion…and that is a reason to come home! Sorry you couldn’t make it this year.
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Melanie, I enjoy reading your well written thoughts. They capture so well the emotions that come from visiting home. I did not move far away but it sure feels like a million light years when I return. It is not the same anymore not because the town has changed but that they people that made it meaningful are no longer there.
I enjoyed seeing you during our brief time at the reunion. Thank you for sharing your journey and your heart with us through your writings.
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Thanks, Joy. I loved being home and seeing everyone!
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Melanie, I love this! You took me back with you to those glory days. I hardly have a connection to our hometown anymore except for friends and extended family — your family! I love you Sister, and love following your posts! Merry Christmas!
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Thanks, Netta. Merry Christmas to you, too!
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Melanie, keep writing as I just love when you have updated your log, so beautifully written! 💞
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Thanks, Susan!
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I enjoyed reading. You are spot on. I did return home after a tour of traveling to foreign countries serving our country. I actually served our lil town with a few of our classmates side by side. Wes, Mike MaCannlis and Matt Pruitt. Worked for a very good man who always had our backs as young men.. Mr. Ronnie Pendleton, who has moved on to the home you described. It was an experience but not quite the same as the younger years. We all had good times and hard experiences. I have soo many parents to thank that stepped up to the plate for me. I will never forget. God bless you for the strong woman you have become.
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So good to hear from you, Lloyd! Thank you for reading!
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I love you Mel! I can’t begin to tell you how much you mean to me! I miss you so much! I hope you are enjoying that beautiful grandson ! Xxxooo Bec 💗
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Thank you, Becky! I miss you, too!
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It was wonderful to see you at the brunch Melanie. So glad Grace was able to meet you too! I don’t visit Breckenridge very often anymore since Mama, Daddy, and Shawn are all with Jesus. it is the strangest feeling to have my heart fill with joy and anticipation as I pass the gas station in Caddo, and then the Graham highway turn off only to remind my heart to not get excited, don’t look over at Daddy and Shawn’s office to see if their car or SUV is there because neither or there. Again, I have to sell talk myself to not over flow with joy as I pass by Skinny’s before making a left hand turn to Mama’s home across from Stephens Memorial Hospital where I grew up on Hullum street. I have to come to an abrupt realization there is none there anymore that really care I have come to town, and I truly have no place to even go once i get there. Saying this to say, it is a painful reminder of what was and what is no longer so i will probably not return there well never say never but the fun does not outweigh the painful reminders of what was. “Forgetting what is behind you, I press towards the mark to win the prize I called heavenward in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Phil 3:14 Jesus wasn’t welcomed in HIs hometown so actually a painful reminder of days gone by not necessarily bad on a spiritual level. ❤ Some of my fondest memories there are our freshman year as we were BFF. You Freshman favorite girl and my being elected Sophomore favorite girl the next year. Gift we will both always cherish and I want to serve our Lord in innocence as we did before the peer pressure of BHS crept in but its ok He (Christ) came and and gathered His precious(yet stubborn and tad bit rebellious) lambs. bringing them back into the fold of His much loved flock. ❤ I cherish those carefree, with such innocence as we attended Mike Spencer's Bible study, Doris Ball's Bible study, and serving together as Freshman class representatives ,and class officers our Freshman year, also. Those sweet innocent memories, I will cherish for a lifetime. Glad we were their experiencing then together. ❤
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Thanks for sharing from your heart! Very good memories! I can’t imagine how hard it is to return once family is gone. I am so glad you came to the last reunion!
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